Log in

No account? Create an account


Beware the Creeper!

Iain's life as a psychotic crimefighter

Previous Entry Share Next Entry

(no subject)

I'm glad that POTC3 immediately answers the question "How could this possibly be worse than POTC2?" by opening with a mass hanging.

Or maybe it's just another cross-promotion with a new Disney Ride - The Hemp Rope - It'll have you dancing on air!

Apparently the kid who buys it in that scene-

(what a capital idea, Disney! Topping a representative of your target audience before the film gets underway! Does this mean your next animated film will be life and times of Gilles De Rais? - that'll keep the little-uns from squirming in their seats)

- anyway, the young boy who is hung from his neck until dead in the opening scene, shows up as Kiera and Orlando's son in the post credit sequence that we couldn't be fucked staying for - so there you go - everyone comes back!

Speaking of Kiera and Orlando, were they just on the ship in case a new dinghy or mast had to be constructed? Just asking.

Speaking of Kiera - great dental hygiene for a Pirate King, hey? Oh Yah! Do you think she's going to play Princess Di in the inevitable biopic? Do you think we can cut straight to the aftermath of the crash in the tunnel? Oh Yah, I'd like to see that.

Nice to see Jack Davenport and Jonathon Pryce are smart enough to have their characters killed off quickly so they could rush to the showers in time to wash the stench of this off their careers.

However, Johnny Depp.

Johnny, Johnny, Johnny.

Is even Sweeney Todd going to save you now?

Glad to see you modelled your look on Keith Richards, and not your performance. But really, ten of you is way, way too much. Even if you don't show up in the first half an hour, that's not the way to make up for lost time.

You know, if I was leading a massive Navy into battle, I wouldn't just give up because two ships pulled up alongside me. I think I'd give the order to fire back. But that's just me, I wasn't there, maybe he just froze or was dazzled by the CGI debris flying back and forth, or something. Or maybe the rule is now, every third film in a franchise has to end with the villain just walking away. I'm looking at you Spider-Man 3.

I'm glad there was none of that icky sex amidst the carnage, you know, other than the bondage, gigantism, foot fetishes and other appeals to Disney's demographic. This is a film for kids, after all.

(No? A friend of mine who liked it, who actually has kids, said it wasn't for kids. It must have been made for him then.)

Geoffrey - if you don't deliver a fucking excellent performance on stage this year, you are dead to me.

It's a pity the Kraken stayed dead. A zombie Kraken could have really saved the film - otherwise, why was it there?

And what's with the coin collection and the singing? What does Disney have against buskers anyway?

At least Disney loves pirates - that's why this film is better seen in bittorrented divx.

I didn't know cannons on galleons could fire up - did you?

Do you think it was a comment by the director that near the end of the film is a giant whirlpool of suck? Or is that something that was required by the Trade Practices Act?

At least it was pretty in the world of the dead. Pity they had a return ticket.

  • 1
Everything about the ending didn't make sense to me -- but ESPECIALLY that bit where the baddie starts wandering about like he's in a pop video. There was no set-up to his reaction.

And how come when Orlando takes over Davy Jones' curse, he only gets half the curse (ie. not the ugly bit, just the 'one day every 10 years' bit)?

And how come Calypso goes so soft on the humans? Whirlpool? Big deal.

And whoa, Kiera Knightly. When she smiles she looks like an alien.

...ahem. Orlando didn't neglect his duty to escort the dead, that's why he's still pretty. Otherwise, yeah. KK should have played an undead, she's so skeletal.

And how come Calypso goes so soft on the humans? Whirlpool? Big deal.

And a whirlpool between the fleets, where one of the fleets is the people who imprisoned her, and one of the people who tortured her beloved.

Pfff. Call that divine vengeance?

Nemesis would have totally wiped them all out. Now there's a goddess!

I never did get the relevence of all those hangings. Hang on, it was to make them sing, to - what? - call on Davie Jones? How stupid is that?

I think the song was just a consequence of the magic pieces of junk from the Brethren; like every pirate in the world suddenly gets infected by the song as an earworm and can't help singing it, which is how they know there's a meeting on.

The hangings were to show you how evil the EIC was.

I was amused by how the proclamation seemed to echo certain Terrorism Acts.

  • 1